The second of The 4 Agreements in the book by Don Miguel Ruiz is “Don’t take anything personally”. When someone cuts you off on the freeway, or is rude in a store, we can usually see that it is about them, not about us. We can take a deep breathe and move on. And, there is huge value to letting it go. When we take something personally, it is not unusual to get triggered. We get upset and our adrenaline rises. That produces cortisol. We have a flight or fight response. It can take us minutes, hours or days to calm down. Meantime, whatever we planned to do or be has changed. Whew! It sure would be good to not take anything personally. But how?
According to The Four Agreements, we all live in a dream of our own making. We create the movie we are in. If that is true, then it makes sense that the first step is to pause. Pause before you respond. Maybe, count to 10 under your breath. Yes, and breathe.
Ruiz says that what people do is because of themselves, not you. “All people live in their own dream, in their own mind: they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world”.*
I think the point is to pause and evaluate the situation. What if this interaction is neither positive nor negative…what if it just is? What is my self-talk right now? Am I in a different dream than the other person? What am I feeling right now? What if this has nothing to do with me?
Pausing, slowing reaction, going into neutral, I can choose how I will respond. There is so much freedom in the ability to choose my response. This week, I suggest you pay attention to your self-talk and choose to not take anything personally. Let’s see if you get less triggered and feel more calm – more in control of your reactions.
*The 4 Agreements, P. 48
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