At the Modern Elder Academy in Santa Fe last weekend, we discussed transitions at length. It was as if we took a jewel and turned it around to examine all its facets slowly and carefully. We don’t often pay attention to how a jewel is constructed. Or how it is shaped by outside forces. Or what causes internal breaks, flaws and sparkle.
Our facilitator and wise leader, Chip Conley, led us through the Anatomy of a Transition. Maybe the transition is the result of the end of a career or a relationship. Sometimes we hold on when we clearly know we should leave. Fear of the unknown may keep us stuck. There is clearly grieving and loss tied to an ending. What gets us through? A ritual to honor all the feelings spoken and unspoken that arise during the transition can help.
The ending throws us into the messy middle. Have you been there? Uncertain if you will ever find your way through. Beset with sadness, guilt and grief and yet searching for a through-line to a new beginning. Social support and a growth mindset can help guide you through. At some point you find you have created a beginning. You have grown to a new place. The painful issue leads to wisdom on the other side.
The first time you have a great loss you may think you will never recover. When my Dad died when I was 35, I thought the brick would never leave my chest. Then one day, I went 2 hours without feeling it. Then a day. Then weeks at a time. There were effects I didn’t realize for several years. I did not forget him. I found a way to continue.
We gain hard earned wisdom from transitions. The support we give each other is essential. It can be messy, sad and hard. Stay open. It makes us wise elders. Many times it opens us up to being so much happier and more grateful. You get to choose.
If you don’t think Vistage peer groups get value at every meeting-from the speakers, the conversations, a wise Chair, and the input from your peers, don’t click here.