If you have or have been a teenager, you know to seize that moment when someone is curious and camp there. “Hey Mom, can I ask you a question?”, “Hey boss, why do we do it this way?”
Stop, look and listen! A brief window just opened. Drop everything and pay attention. If you are a parent, it happens when you just have one kid in the car and you are driving them somewhere they want to go. (Not school) If you are at work, it happens when you are noodling around a neutral space – maybe the lunch room. If you are remote, it may happen on the slack channel – a random question.
Stay curious, and open. Go slow. I call it “stay in question mode”. Appreciate that you have been gifted a “mentoring moment”. It may mean nothing, but it may be a chance to change someone’s life. You don’t know which, nor do they. Focus. Focus on being safe, curious and open. Throw one joke or judgmental comment into the conversation and it will stop. Widen your eyes, open your ears, relax your shoulders. Be fully present. Go slow. Listen hard.
You can go deeper with phrases like; “tell me more about that…, “Go on…”, “What else?”
You don’t have to have the answer. In fact, if they are asking you what to do about something, you do NOT have their answer, you only have YOUR answer. DON’T share it! Trust me on this. Ask another questions like “What do you think you/we should do?” Let them talk/ think out loud. Support them to find their own answers. They may tell you how wise they are. Actually, you are guiding them to find the wisdom they have inside.
At some point you may want to share your opinion. It will be a big afterthought to a fabulous moment.
If you don’t think Vistage peer groups get value at every meeting-from the speakers, the conversations and the input from your peers, don’t click here.