According to Brandon Burchard, Vistage National Speaker and author of High Performance Habits, people have 3 aspiration needs: Aliveness, Deeper Connection and Meaningful Pursuits. Since this is a holiday weekend, chances are you may see friends and family in person (IRL). You may get the chance to satisfy conscious and unconscious needs and desires without making a plan to do any of those things. Just the planning to get together with people we are close to brings a little joy. Where are we meeting, who is bringing what, are we getting outside and bringing balls or rackets or other objects to play with? Aha! We get to play, too?
Dr. Laurie Santos, Ph.D., Professor at Yale and host of the Happiness PodCast said in a talk I heard “in person” that her studies of college freshman show that college students today are the loneliest they have ever been. When she asks how many close friends they have, the numbers haven’t changed from previous surveys. However, the way they connect has. They may have 6 different text chains going with their friends. Yet, they haven’t spoken with them IRL for days or weeks even though they are on the same campus. She argues that only in person contacts can you truly fulfill the need for deeper connection. It doesn’t have to be all the connection time, but it needs to be some.
Texting has erased many of the awkward social interactions that used to take place. An example Dr Santos gave was picking up your child’s friend. You pull up and text the parent to say you are outside. It used to be the child would have to go to the door and ask Mrs. Smith if Susie was ready. They had to interact with an adult and be polite. They did not get the experience of awkward social interactions. Do them often enough and they are not awkward. Not do them at all and you lack important social aptitude.
We all have an opportunity to change this and support deeper connection this weekend. Enjoy your “in person” moments – awkward or deeply satisfying.
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