As a Vistage coach, I was trained to write down my thoughts as I listened and questioned my members to go deeper. Some of those thoughts were judgments, some were wonderings, and some were questions.
Initially, I thought it was rude (my judgment) to not give the speaker my complete attention. However, it was my complete attention plus my desire to help that drove the internal dialogue. I learned to honor it, and integrate it as appropriate to the conversation when I thought it would help my client.
If you want to get better at coaching your team, take a sheet of paper and draw a line splitting the paper vertically with about 30% on the left side. When you meet with a team member one-on-one, instead of interrupting them with your questions and thoughts, write them on the left side. If you find a lull in the conversation, you can pull one of the questions from your left hand column.
How would you do that? Well, maybe you have a statement that you wrote down and underlined 3 times while you were listening. You could say, “While you were describing that situation, I was wondering this,” and paraphrase your comment.
This may seem awkward, but stay with it. It will further the conversation. Another phrase that might help the transition is to say, “I was curious, what did you mean by…..?” Or, “Tell me more about….” I suggest that you explain to your team member that you are trying to be a better listener and to support them in developing their own answers. After all, you already know what you would do in the situation. Do you want to prove that you are the smartest person in the room, or do you want to develop a leadership team that can make great decisions on their own?
In the next post we will talk about a great daily practice.